The 54th Chronicle

Hello family and friends! 

What a rush! We have been trying to keep up with the "Come Unto Christ - Council Bluffs" page as well as the "Come Unto Christ - Council Bluffs" group which we just started. They are sweet! The page will give us an opportunity to share uplifting content with people we are teaching and others in the community throughout the week. The group will give us an opportunity to connect and discuss with members, less-actives, and non-members in our area. That's not to mention the "Missionary Technology Ideas" group we started to help inspire missionaries to use technology. If you want to help, please "like" the CUCCB page and invite all your missionary friends to the tech ideas group. So hyped!!

Here is the meat of this week's email. In the last week or so, I've received some pretty blunt feedback from other missionaries (about myself) and it's been kinda hard. I want to be obedient, diligent, charitable, humble, kind, outgoing, charismatic, and relaxed but don't know how to balance it all. I feel a conflict of expectations from myself, others, and mission rules. They probably don't even conflict, but in my mind, they do. I have this perception of how I'm supposed to meet those expectations... which don't always line up with what they might actually be. Some of the feedback I got was that 'I seem to have this preconceived idea of what a missionary is supposed to be and that I'm trying to conform myself to that'. Then I expect others to do so as well (which is in part true and not really fair to them). I feel all this pressure to do and be perfect. I know I'm not realistically asked to do that, but that is how I see it. I don't believe that I know moderation. I only know how to give "my all" or nothing. It's really tearing me up inside. This "issue" of pride, expectation, stress, striving to be perfect, being uptight, not letting my personality truly shine, is detrimental to me. I tend to want to do things my way. I want to organize and clean the apartment or car. I like to be scheduled and business like. I want to be as "in line" with the guidelines given us as much as possible. Exact obedience doesn't feel exact to me unless we are right on the dot or at least pretty close. I feel as if I'm trying to act older than I am in my expectations of myself and others. That or I'm missing the mark. I don't know. I just have such a desire to help others, change as an individual, work efficiently, work effectively, be obedient, and do all that I'm asked. How can I do that? I don't know. Am I doing something wrong? Is this the part of the story where I need to stay strong and stand alone in the face of the persecution of others? Or is this the part where I need to be humble and accept the critique and advice of others? It's hard for me to know who is right and what I'm really being asked. I want to do what the Lord is asking me, but I just can't see how I'm supposed to do that. All I know is this stress and pressure that I feel is not helpful. I just want to find a way to be diligent and obedient while having fun, feeling relaxed, and being myself. 

Last, but not least! We have been testing the "Butterfly Effect" recently. The "Butterfly Effect" means doing small acts of service or kindness  to others and seeing the impact. We have seen this personally when we stop to get gas or drinks at a gas station. As we check out we will ask the attendant questions about themselves. It takes just a few simple questions until they start laughing with us and sharing stories. Not minutes before they were looking down trying to kill the time, and when we leave they have a smile on their face. The "Butterfly Effect" in the end really is just sharing the light of Christ with others. So powerful!!

Kia Kaha!

Elder Brady